Adult Colouring Books and Regression.

Ok.  I know this is my 3rd maybe 4th day talking about colouring books, and this will most likely be my last post on this topic.

I was thinking a lot about it today, as I drove around the city doing errands.

As I said before, I took in psychology class that adults doing things children do is called regression and regression is "bad".  Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) at this time, I don't remember much else about regression.  A whole two years of psychology classes, and all I remember about regression can be fit into one sentence.  Oh well.  I remember my math classes much better - and that is a different subject all together.

So...  Have many people in the world regressed?  Are we all doing psychological bad things by colouring in colouring books?  No.

There are many ways of dealing with stress that are considered "adult" and are not considered "regression" and therefore "bad".  Drinking, smoking, shopping, having coffee, watching porn and doing drugs are all "adult" ways of dealing with stress.  All of them cause problems, and all of them can be considered "harmless" or "harmful", depending on the person you're talking to and the extent to which they are done.  I don't have to mention the effects of all of these things.

Colouring, listening to children's music, and swinging on the swing in the neighbourhood park, all of which I have done at times of stress, are not harmful to anybody.  It's not harmful to me or to anybody else.  It maybe unconventional, but nobody ever harmed their lungs with a colouring book, or had a little too much children's music, or overdosed on swinging in the park.  Nobody was hurt by another person's colouring, or set up a support group of friends and family of those who swing in the park.

And so, even if this is regression, I think my way of dealing with this stressful time in my live, is perfectly safe, harmless, and acceptable.

Whoever said "regression" is bad just didn't understand how much fun it is to colour.

"Reduce Stress", on of my doctors said. "But how?" I wanted to respond but didn't.

My dog is trying to get comfortable on the couch, having resigned herself to not being allowed to go outside and bark along the dogs already barking outside.

My mother just went to bed.

Colouring books and crayons await me at the table.  I bought new colouring books and new crayons today.  I wanted a crayon sharpener, but they only come in the big pack of crayons.  I'm glad I did.  All sorts of cool colours like metallic and gel colours are included in the large packs.

I like colouring with crayons more, than pencil crayons or markers.  There's just something about it.

In my psychology classes, I took I learned about regression and it's evils.  At this point I can't remember why it was bad, to regress, but I remember it was bad.  Am I regressing?  I don't know.  I do know that a whole bunch of other people are regressing along with me, because adult colouring books are very popular.  I'm not sure about the crayon's part, or the children's music part, but it is relaxing.

I need relaxation.  And I need to reduce my stress.  Apparently some of my health problems are due to the prolonged stress I've been under.  For the last 5 years, I've been under a lot of stress.  Deaths, illnesses (one that included neurosurgery and 100 days in hospital), a house fire, a dog dying, the family house being sold (it was in the family for 70 years), two car accidents (one a major head on collision), and a heart attack, have filled our family's activities in the last 5 years.  We've been moving from crisis to crisis, without much time in-between each crisis.  We've just had a really really bad string of bad luck.

And all that stress?  It's causing me health problems: unable to concentrate, unable to remember things, stomach aches, back aches, and many other things.

The doctor told me to cut down on my stress.  But how?  If I knew we'd have a house fire, I would have prevented it.  There wasn't anyway I could have prevented the deaths.  And know body knows what caused my mother's Normal Pressure Hydrocephalus.  I have no control over the health of my father's heart.  If I'd know that somebody would turn in front of me, on a busy 80 km / hr road, I would have taken a different road.

How?  Just how does anyone propose I stop these horrible things from happening?  I would have stopped them if I could.  Believe me I didn't want these things to happen anymore than my doctor did.  Or the librarian (when we told the library that they weren't getting any books back because they all burned in the fire, the librarian said "I hate fires", as if we had a fire just to make her live difficult.)

And so I'm doing small things.  I'm colouring in adult colouring books.  I'm listening to Raffi.  I sing loudly in the car.  I play with my dog.  I watch TV shows that make me laugh.  I blocked everybody who annoyed me in any way from all social media accounts.  I block every stranger on social media that offends me in anyway, because I have enough stress without arguing with strangers on the internet.

I've done big things like cut off all ties with a cousin, who was prone to calling me and telling me about the mistakes I made.  I didn't need to hear it, and although I love this cousin, I just don't want to have anything to do with somebody who is "only telling me the truth", when she says that back when we were children or teens or some other age along time ago that I did such and such and it was a mistake and if I hadn't done that then, I wouldn't be suffering now.

We bought another dog about a year after our last dog died (from smoke inhalation), and pet and play with her daily.  I try to make choices that will make me happy.

But the thing is: it's not really working.  I'm still living a stressful live, and that constant stress: the cortisone and adeline that pumps through the human body when it's under stress, is causing health problems.  Or at least that's one of the possibilities.  There are other possibilities of why I'm getting sick, and I am perusing those ideas with my doctors as well.

And there's one more thing I'm doing to help with my stress: I'm doing it right now - writing this blog.  And you, by reading this blog, have helped me tremendously, because as I said yesterday, looking at the stats, helps me.  It makes me happy when people read this blog.  And for that I thank you very much for reading.

Reducing Stress by Reducing iPad Games.

Each night, after Mom goes to bed between 9:00 and 10:00, I settle in for some alone time.  I check my blog, write a post or two, watch some youtube, cuddle with the dog, and maybe watch some news.

Tonight I did something different.  I played a new game I downloaded to my iPad.  The game was strangely addicting, even though it was frustrating.  It was so slow, but had the promise of becoming exciting as I played.  But it never did become exciting.  It continued to go slowly as it frustrated me with just kept out of reach promises.

It didn't relax me and set me into that quite peaceful mode I enter when I spend my alone time.

Why did I play it?  Well as I said, it always kept those good powers, just out of reach.  Once I attained a level needed for a power I realized the that power wasn't good at all, and I craved for the next power, only to find that power wasn't that good either.

I have to start being more in tuned with my feelings.  When I'm feeling frustration (or any other negative emotion), I need to ask myself why.  Why am I feeling so frustrated?  What is making me frustrated?  Is this a needed frustration?

The answers to those questions tonight, are:

1. I'm feeling frustrated because the game isn't what it promises to be. 
2. The game is designed to make me continually want more than I have.
3. This not a needed frustration.  I don't need to finish this game.  Getting to the top level will not help me or anybody else in any way.  If it does make me happy, it will be a fleeting happiness.

And with those questions, I need to act on them.  I need to realize the game is only adding stress to an already stressful live and quit playing.

It's been 15 minutes since I turned the game off, and I'm still stressed.  Ideas like:

• I could beat this game
• I quit too early
• It will be fun once I beat the next level
• I need to continue

But I don't need to continue.  All of those statements are lies.

Several months ago, I realized that I am not taking care of my emotional health, and I need to start.  I've been reducing the stress that doesn't matter in my live.  Perfect strangers that are in my social media, but are rude to me.  They get blocked.

I've been doing things that make me happy.  Like starting this blog.

And this game, I know realize has got to be limited.  It's a good game for playing when my mother and I are talking or listening to a book on CD.  When I'm not thinking about it and trying to reach a level, but listening to somebody else talk, it's not stressful at all.

It is stressful when it's just me and the game.

And that is when - the game won't get played.

Because I'm more important than some dumb game, that wants more and more of me as the levels progress.