My happiness is important.

I've been happier this week.  Does it matter?  I used to think that happiness, wasn't important.  It was hedonistic and selfish.  But I don't think that anymore.

I've been doing things just simply because I want to do them.  It's not because I have to do them, or somebody else wants me to do them, it's because I want to do them.

And I don't think that's selfish or hedonistic.  I don't think it's wrong in anyway.

What is the point of life?  I know that question has been asked hundreds of times, but really what is the point?

I don't think that happiness is the point of live.  I don't think it's the most important thing, but unlike the me of the past, the me of now does think it's important.

I always thought that the happiness of other people was important.  But what about me?  Isn't my happiness important.

I think it is.

I want to be my own friend.

I want to accept myself as I am.  I don't want to think I'm too anything or not enough anything.  Constantly, throughout the day I'm thinking "If only I were this...."

But would being this or that, or just different in any way, make anybody's live any better?  Am I really that bad?

I haven't murdered anybody.  I've never even done a crime?  I got a speeding ticket, once, but that hardly counts me as a criminal.

I try to treat others as I want to be treated.  I'm empathetic, and understanding.  Isn't that enough?

Do I have to be skinnier, richer, more successful, more connected or more anything to make life better?  Would my life be better?  Would your life be better?  Would anybody else's life be better if I was prettier, more athletic, and better at training my dog (she doesn't bite or anything - she just doesn't sit or stay or anything 100% of the time).

I don't think so.  So why do I spend so much of my day, finding imaginary faults, and tearing myself apart?

I want to love myself exactly as I am.  I want to accept myself exactly as I am.  I want to be happy with who I am and what I've done, and not do anything to change anything about myself.

But...  I was told that was pride, and pride is wrong.

But really how wrong is pride?  And just what is pride?  Isn't it ok, if I quit being my own critic, and start being my own friend?

Because really what I say to myself, in my head, where nobody else can hear, are things I would never say to anybody else.  I don't treat myself as a friend.  But I want to start.

I want to tell myself "yes you can do it", and "you're wonderful", and "good job" and other such encouraging and loving things.

And isn't that ok?

Who says I have to treat myself as an enemy?